**Disclaimer. This post is not directed at any one specifically. I think about these things all the time, especially when I'm pregnant and my emotions are out of control.**
It's a fact of life. No matter who you are or what your family is like, people are going to make comments. If you have 1 boy/1 girl or 2 boys/2 girls then it's, "Oh, how perfect! So now you're done?" If you have an only child then it's, "So when are you going to have another?" If you have all girls or all boys then you'll hear, "You need a (insert opposite gender here)." Or "Are you going to try for a girl/boy?"
It started for me when I was pregnant with Torrin. I remember a complete stranger asking me (when she found out I was having my second boy) if I was going to "try" for a girl. My thoughts were, "Did you really just write off my son that hasn't even been born yet?" Like he doesn't "count" because we're not getting the opposite gender? With each pregnancy it gets progressively worse. The comments just keep coming. It can be something as simple as immediately labeling my baby as "she" to asking if we're just "going to keep trying until (we) get a girl." And each time the comments make me feel worse. To the point where I feel like so many people will be disappointed if I don't have the gender THEY want me to have. To the point where I am forced to tears.
I know people mean well. Many are joking and most probably don't even know or understand the affect their comments have on people. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm guilty of making a girl comment to my sister-in-law when I first met her. (She has three AWESOME, respectful, kind, and well-behaved teenage boys and has done an amazing job raising them. She's my hero!) I guess that's the reason I'm writing this blog post--to let people know how their comments affect people, and to reiterate the point that there is no "perfect" family. The "perfect" family is the one you're given--the one that's perfect for you. I'm a firm believer that Heavenly Father sends us the children we need, no matter what gender they are, and the ones that need us.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The "Perfect" Family.
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7 comments:
Well said. One of each isn't everyone's dream either, people just assume. I had a good friend who's dream was to have 5 boys. Whether you have a boy or a girl, they will be loved the same. I must admit that you sure do make cute boys though. ;)
I am sorry :( that is hard! I am tired of hearing (from my mother in law and others) that we need to have more kids or making me feel quilty for not. I have told them time and time again that we have been trying for 3+ years and we have both been tested and nothing is wrong. They don't get it and it still hurts my feelings everytime :(
Oh and I would totally be ok with having all girls. It is a personal preference and it is what i know :)
Thanks for sharing. It's always good to be reminded that we need to be more sensitive to each other.
I feel similar to you! If we have a third child, I feel so much pressure to "make" a boy! I love my all girl family but would gladly welcome a boy someday. All the pressure makes me not even want to start thinking about a third.
I notice those comments even more now. Having 3 girls, we've always got the "Going to try for a boy?" "Wow, Dad, you are out numbered!" etc. But now each time they say those things, all I want to say is "Actually, our son died last year"...just to shock them into thinking about what they are saying. We're all guilty of it, but putting this out there will help a few of us think before we speak :) We never know anyones situation...we have to remember that!
I really liked this post, and I tried to think about whether I've ever said anything like that to someone, even flippantly. I get seriously bugged when people say "Oh, you have one of each! You can be done!" Or asking very obtrusively why there's a 4+ year gap between our kids. How does one go about "trying" for a gender, anyhow? Anyway, thanks for posting the link to this on FaceBook - it made me think!
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