The forced smile.

It was really windy.  That's why he keeps looking toward the window.  The first video shows the smile he gives us when he's really trying.

The lovely thing about co-sleeping.

Waking up to someone smacking you in the face.  Who needs an alarm clock?  I'm going to have to figure out where to put Grayson when the baby comes because he won't sleep in his crib.

The "Perfect" Family.

**Disclaimer.  This post is not directed at any one specifically.  I think about these things all the time, especially when I'm pregnant and my emotions are out of control.**

It's a fact of life.  No matter who you are or what your family is like, people are going to make comments.  If you have 1 boy/1 girl or 2 boys/2 girls then it's, "Oh, how perfect!  So now you're done?"  If you have an only child then it's, "So when are you going to have another?"  If you have all girls or all boys then you'll hear, "You need a (insert opposite gender here)."  Or "Are you going to try for a girl/boy?"

It started for me when I was pregnant with Torrin.  I remember a complete stranger asking me (when she found out I was having my second boy) if I was going to "try" for a girl.  My thoughts were, "Did you really just write off my son that hasn't even been born yet?"  Like he doesn't "count" because we're not getting the opposite gender?  With each pregnancy it gets progressively worse.  The comments just keep coming.  It can be something as simple as immediately labeling my baby as "she" to asking if we're just "going to keep trying until (we) get a girl."  And each time the comments make me feel worse.  To the point where I feel like so many people will be disappointed if I don't have the gender THEY want me to have.  To the point where I am forced to tears.

I know people mean well.  Many are joking and most probably don't even know or understand the affect their comments have on people.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm guilty of making a girl comment to my sister-in-law when I first met her.  (She has three AWESOME, respectful, kind, and well-behaved teenage boys and has done an amazing job raising them.  She's my hero!)  I guess that's the reason I'm writing this blog post--to let people know how their comments affect people, and to reiterate the point that there is no "perfect" family.  The "perfect" family is the one you're given--the one that's perfect for you.  I'm a firm believer that Heavenly Father sends us the children we need, no matter what gender they are, and the ones that need us.

Sweet, sweet boys.

We were watching AFV today as a family and my sweet Hayden was so cute.  He has this gift for being sympathetic toward someone in physical pain.  As Allen and I were cracking up over people flipping over their bikes and falling off trampolines, Hayden was straight-faced.  He loved the animal and baby ones but didn't laugh at all when people got hurt.  At one point they showed a girl hysterical that she was about to get a shot, and I looked over and Hayden had tears in his eyes.  What a sweet, sweet boy!  He has really developed a love for reading lately.  Right now he is reading "The Mouse and the Motorcycle," which he got for Christmas this year.  The other night he said to me, "Mom, I really like video games, but I'm starting to like reading even more than video games."

Torrin is also very sympathetic, but different in that he is very aware of people's feelings.  He is usually the first one to give me a hug when I'm emotional or having a rough day.  Or when I'm (fake) whining that I "never get kisses from (Grayson) anymore" he will come up and give me a hug and kiss.  Torrin is our scrappy man.  He is a tough little guy.  Today he was jumping on Hayden and wrestling him down.  Hayden was laughing as Torrin pounced him over and over again, but he's not one for wrestling.

Grayson is WIDE awake tonight and really wants to play.  (I guess that's what happens when you get a nap at 4:30 p.m.)  He keeps toddling away as fast as he can and laughing--taunting us to "come and get me."  I love my sweet boys!

A little over 2 months until Allen graduates!!!  It's going to be a busy two months, and especially stressful for Allen as he finishes up his Masters project.  I can't wait until we're DONE with school--and hopefully for a looooong time.

Warning. Negative post.

I might have been crazy for wanting 4 kids.  I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant and this pregnancy is hard.  I can't stand to go in the kitchen, which makes it difficult to feed my family and means my kitchen is always a mess.  My boys are living on cold cereal and PB&J (So where are all the dishes coming from!!?).  Allen is grilling big batches of chicken to take to work, which makes me sick to even think about.  And I am EXHAUSTED!  It probably doesn't help that I have 3 busy boys.  Grayson is the worst offender.  He is into EVERYTHING and I literally can't sit still for a minute b/c in a few seconds he's moved on to something else.  Even as I type this, I can hear him getting into the lazy susan, which holds all my baking stuff.  Yes, cocoa powder all over this morning! (My fault for not fully baby proofing.  But is it really worth it for the 3-6 months we'll be living here?).  MY.HOUSE.IS.A.DISASTER. and it's driving me crazy, but I don't have the energy to do anything about it, and I don't have a husband with the time to help more than once or twice a week.  Stupid grad school--when he's home he's not really "home" and when he's gone he's gone ALL.DAY.LONG.  Hayden and Torrin are now entertaining themselves in the bath, which means a tidal wave of mess in the bathroom, and guess who gets to clean THAT up.  Please, let me get some energy back once I get to the second trimester.

Sorry for complaining.  I don't think it'll matter anyway since I don't think anyone reads my blog.  I just needed an outlet.